Paper wings......And um, hey, is this a stress response??

So, I've been dealing with quite a bit of stress these days (understatement) on many fronts. A lot of fires to put out and I've no firehose.

But sometimes, at the end of the day when there's been so much going on, I just put things into perspective and look at what I do have and realize how incredibly lucky I am. It cost nothing and demands nothing of me. And can never be taken from me. And nothing will take me from it. And it makes me realize just how capable I am of truly loving someone unconditionally and without measure. It is my family.

On another subject, or rather while I'm on the subject of stress, I suppose that, when you're under such tremendous amounts of it, release can be amazing when timed just so. I had The. Most. Fantastic. Orgasm. I. Have. Ever. Had. In. My. Life. last night...... Ever. I've had many. This was tops. It was endless and although I confess we haven't even studied the book we bought on tantra ages ago; it just happened. Magical, it was.
So, I suppose the moral here: That which does not kill you, only gives you mindblowing orgasms?
Thx Laz. If nothing, we'll always have this *smirk*...

The Pull

I've looked around me lately. At my life and what I want from it. Where I want to be. What I want for my family. Lots of things. It frustrates me when I can't make things happen for people and myself in the timeframe and in the way I would like to. And so I have to adapt.
I search for a solution. Looking at my immediate surroundings I see clutter all around me. Maybe it's the springtime; but I feel the urge to back up a truck to the house and send everything to a charity. Just purge myself of all of it, save for the barest of necessities. Then simply pack it up and head west.....

Audrey Maxx on Playboy's: Needy Wives

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Turning The Other Cheek

It has been my experience in past business relationships that, when parting company or severing business ties for whatever the reason, tact and professionalism is key. To simply say “Things just aren’t working out and so I think it’s best we part ways”. This was not the case with someone recently.

Instead I was sliced and diced by someone who I not only had a working relationship with; but, over time, I allowed this person to become part of my family. I don’t allow too many people to get this close to me personally. He has no family of his own. Apparently nor does he have any social skills. He clearly has life-long issues, is hurt by some sick form of jealousy and has decided to attack me. Childishly calling me some particularly hurtful and nasty names. He’s said some terribly hurtful things. Things that have caused me deep pain. Saying that it is what I do with my mouth and my pussy that keeps me owning men. Just for the record, I’m not lacking in the self-esteem department when it comes to intelligence, thank you. I’m quite confident that I can hold a man’s attention purely based on conversation. All while fully dressed.

Instead of lashing back, I’ll make a delicate attempt at turning the other cheek.

It hurts deeply; but that hurt is healing each time I’m contacted by another professional who is eager to work with me or for me. Contacted by others who have worked with me in the past and are excited at the prospect of working with me again. They know I’m professional and don’t resort to low blows the way this person has. My experience speaks for itself. And this is simply one bitter, angry person whose issues are not my own.

Oh Boy.....

Wow, okay so I'm here at the expo and yesterday went to have a look at the booth. The place is MASSIVE. My booth there among so many in this giant place that I'm told floods with thousands of people.

I saw the matted posters of me that will be up. And I saw all the DVD's, the t-shirts, the photos to autograph. They look fantastic. It's unnerving.

Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.

Breathe...

Okay, so now I guess I'm experiencing some anxiety over this next week's events. I'm getting "fan mail" and friend requests and there are t-shirts that have been made......At the same time one of the magazines I've appeared in did a feature interview with me (this time quite accurate with my quotes I might add. Even my comments on polyamory....yay!). Hey, speaking of poly, have I told you what a fabulously lucky gal I am? Happy, Happy Birthday to my Angel Baby!
Yes, so there's a little added anxiety.
Oh, and have I even mentioned my new DVD? Life's getting big.

Helpless

Someone I love is going through something right now and I'm essentially unable to help. It makes me feel sick and frustrated. But no matter how much love you give to a person, sadly it's a situation where this is something they have to go through alone. Morbidly....similar to a death. Sadly I've been here before myself. It's been so much about me these days; but then suddenly something happens to put things into perspective and then nothing else matters. Note: You won't be alone.


So much has been happening these days. I couldn't possibly catch up...But suffice to say that things are changing in my life in big ways. The DVD is being pressed. I'm getting "fan mail". It's a little surreal. I keep thinking...."How do they know me?"..."I'm not really OUT THERE."....Then I have a reality check when I see myself on the XXX Blog between Ron Jeremy and Jesse Jane and think again...