Decisions

So things aren't exactly looking up financially. I may go back down south for another "tour of booty" as I prefer to call them. I've enjoyed working with the photographer I've been working with on my own projects (okay, so...even if they haven't made money just yet). It's the creative freedom I've enjoyed (yes, actually enjoyed). That and working with my own male talent *smirk*.
But going down there....It's a completely different world. Can't even be compared to what I've been doing. No control. There's no control over anything at all.
It did manage to pay a nice chunk of the bills and the property insurance. It was nice to be able to contribute for once. He's always been the provider.
I suppose I'm fortunate that we have the sort of relationship that allows for such work. He's upset that I've considered going again. Not because of jealousy. That would be the first thing that would come in the way of the typical relationship (maybe...I'm no authority on the subject of what's typical); but more concerned about my emotional state. I worry a lot and lost too much weight on my last trip from too much worrying. God, just thinking about it and suddenly I've no appetite. Who needs diet pills?
If only I could work that stripper pole I have (and weren't so clumsy and didn't hate my ass in a thong) I'd go apply at a dance club instead. Sure, I'm no spring chicken; but hey, I've got a few credentials. Do they sell insurance for erotic dancers? Oh wait, I can't even afford the insurance I already have.