An Icon Passes On

For those of you who haven't heard...Bettie Page died last night. She was placed on life support last week after suffering a heart attack. Before the heart attack she'd been hospitalized for three weeks with pneumonia. Her family decided, last night, to remove her from life support after she hadn't regained consciousness.

Although her body was mortal, her image will remain forever youthful and devilishly playful.

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For those of you who have written to me expressing their appreciation for my blog, thank you!
I plan to begin doing so again and bringing you up to speed very soon.

Peace!

No wind in the sails....So I had been invited to be in Miami this week with a burlesque troupe who was performing at two different venues. I was invited to perform (if I wanted) and to sell the DVD.
Things being what they are, perhaps I'll burn a few each night instead to keep us warm *smirk*.
I have to start cleaning out the house now anyway.

Paper wings......And um, hey, is this a stress response??

So, I've been dealing with quite a bit of stress these days (understatement) on many fronts. A lot of fires to put out and I've no firehose.

But sometimes, at the end of the day when there's been so much going on, I just put things into perspective and look at what I do have and realize how incredibly lucky I am. It cost nothing and demands nothing of me. And can never be taken from me. And nothing will take me from it. And it makes me realize just how capable I am of truly loving someone unconditionally and without measure. It is my family.

On another subject, or rather while I'm on the subject of stress, I suppose that, when you're under such tremendous amounts of it, release can be amazing when timed just so. I had The. Most. Fantastic. Orgasm. I. Have. Ever. Had. In. My. Life. last night...... Ever. I've had many. This was tops. It was endless and although I confess we haven't even studied the book we bought on tantra ages ago; it just happened. Magical, it was.
So, I suppose the moral here: That which does not kill you, only gives you mindblowing orgasms?
Thx Laz. If nothing, we'll always have this *smirk*...

The Pull

I've looked around me lately. At my life and what I want from it. Where I want to be. What I want for my family. Lots of things. It frustrates me when I can't make things happen for people and myself in the timeframe and in the way I would like to. And so I have to adapt.
I search for a solution. Looking at my immediate surroundings I see clutter all around me. Maybe it's the springtime; but I feel the urge to back up a truck to the house and send everything to a charity. Just purge myself of all of it, save for the barest of necessities. Then simply pack it up and head west.....

Audrey Maxx on Playboy's: Needy Wives

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Turning The Other Cheek

It has been my experience in past business relationships that, when parting company or severing business ties for whatever the reason, tact and professionalism is key. To simply say “Things just aren’t working out and so I think it’s best we part ways”. This was not the case with someone recently.

Instead I was sliced and diced by someone who I not only had a working relationship with; but, over time, I allowed this person to become part of my family. I don’t allow too many people to get this close to me personally. He has no family of his own. Apparently nor does he have any social skills. He clearly has life-long issues, is hurt by some sick form of jealousy and has decided to attack me. Childishly calling me some particularly hurtful and nasty names. He’s said some terribly hurtful things. Things that have caused me deep pain. Saying that it is what I do with my mouth and my pussy that keeps me owning men. Just for the record, I’m not lacking in the self-esteem department when it comes to intelligence, thank you. I’m quite confident that I can hold a man’s attention purely based on conversation. All while fully dressed.

Instead of lashing back, I’ll make a delicate attempt at turning the other cheek.

It hurts deeply; but that hurt is healing each time I’m contacted by another professional who is eager to work with me or for me. Contacted by others who have worked with me in the past and are excited at the prospect of working with me again. They know I’m professional and don’t resort to low blows the way this person has. My experience speaks for itself. And this is simply one bitter, angry person whose issues are not my own.

Oh Boy.....

Wow, okay so I'm here at the expo and yesterday went to have a look at the booth. The place is MASSIVE. My booth there among so many in this giant place that I'm told floods with thousands of people.

I saw the matted posters of me that will be up. And I saw all the DVD's, the t-shirts, the photos to autograph. They look fantastic. It's unnerving.

Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.

Breathe...

Okay, so now I guess I'm experiencing some anxiety over this next week's events. I'm getting "fan mail" and friend requests and there are t-shirts that have been made......At the same time one of the magazines I've appeared in did a feature interview with me (this time quite accurate with my quotes I might add. Even my comments on polyamory....yay!). Hey, speaking of poly, have I told you what a fabulously lucky gal I am? Happy, Happy Birthday to my Angel Baby!
Yes, so there's a little added anxiety.
Oh, and have I even mentioned my new DVD? Life's getting big.

Helpless

Someone I love is going through something right now and I'm essentially unable to help. It makes me feel sick and frustrated. But no matter how much love you give to a person, sadly it's a situation where this is something they have to go through alone. Morbidly....similar to a death. Sadly I've been here before myself. It's been so much about me these days; but then suddenly something happens to put things into perspective and then nothing else matters. Note: You won't be alone.


So much has been happening these days. I couldn't possibly catch up...But suffice to say that things are changing in my life in big ways. The DVD is being pressed. I'm getting "fan mail". It's a little surreal. I keep thinking...."How do they know me?"..."I'm not really OUT THERE."....Then I have a reality check when I see myself on the XXX Blog between Ron Jeremy and Jesse Jane and think again...

And I Told One Friend, And Then She Told One Friend, And The He Told One Friend.......

Wow, check me out:
http://www.exxxoticamiami.com/

When you enter, on the main page scroll through the "Exhibitor Preview" box and then through the "Who's Appearing" box just below.

Then you can check out the "XXX Blog" tab near the top. And there I am, between Ron Jeremy and Jesse Jane.

Now got to the "Purchase Tickets" tab in the top, left-hand corner and order yourself a ticket and come see me!

Leaving On A Jetplane

I've been running pretty fast lately, trying to get things prepared for the expo coming up. But I'm not the only one. There are others. My people (ha!)..... that are working around the clock. To them I'm very grateful.

Today I'm off to Miami again for the week. I look forward to only having the laptop and not being able to be fully "connected"'. It'll force me into having some downtime, even if I'm still talking, planning and scheming *smirk*......

Does This Booth Make My Boobs Look Big?

I no longer celebrate Easter in the conventional sense the way my family did when I was young anyway. And so I worked. I was sleepy and hoped to finish last night by around 11pm; but carried on until 2am. "Let me just finish this.....Oh, and this....And this....". There's just so much to do before the expo and such little time in which to do it. But with each media clip I see from past expos, it makes me a little more nervous about having a booth next to these big names. I guess I'm worrying about the size of my, um, booth, compared to the next guy's.......Ha! Get it? It's relative......

My writer girlfriend's convinced there's a certain power in turning 40 now. She tells me..."no wonder the world is orbiting around you right now, spinning around the charm and beauty and fire you possess. You are going to rock this expo!". She's invincible. She decided that this year, the year she turns 40 herself, she's going to run marathons. And she has, and is.

And so I just need to rock....

Small Fish Swimming in a Big Pond of Sexy Beautiful (Young) Fish

Be careful what you ask for (Insert many thanks to Angel here)...... News flash..... Audrey Maxx Enterprises announces on Thursday, March 20th, that the company plans to be an exhibitor at the 2008 Exxxotica Miami Expo in South Beach! Yes, you read it right here. I will have my very own booth at the same expo where the likes of the great big names in the industry will have theirs. While this thrills me, at the same time, it scares the shit out of me. There is soooo.......much to do in a mere 27 days. I will be attending the expo with my dvd ready to market and my website will be live and rolling. We just finished two weeks of full-on work. I couldn't even tell you how many stills we shot... And I've got to sit and go through every one of them, choosing the ones I want for the website's front page, free tour, galleries, etc. We also managed to get in three more videos to add to my store. And all the clips at my store will also be added to the website. And of course there's the dvd. That's the big one. The dizzying good kind of pressure...... Yeh.

Damsel For A Day

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Shameless

Still shoots today. About 350 pics in all. Lots of great pinup shots for the website. We reshot two small scenes for the dvd. Just some fine tuning.
Tomorrow will be fun. Outdoors, flirty girl walking the streets.

I really enjoy what I'm doing. The creativity of it all. Collaborating with Laz on ideas and watching them come to life on film. Sure, there's nudity. There's sex. And what's not to enjoy about that? Especially when I get to enjoy it with Laz? Mmmmmm...... But there's sooo..... so much more to it. Really. This isn't your everyday run-of-the-mill been-there-done-that seen-it all porn. I've already done that. I've got the t-shirt "As Seen In Porn". Seriously.

The project we've been working on is refreshingly different. It leans more towards soft-core rather than "Bang me Baby". While it's got the typical "money shots", that's not the sole aim of this film. There's a story. It's fun, flirty, happy. It feels good. And it looks good. Retro good. I realize I'm saying a lot without perhaps telling you enough. It's all I can do for now. But I believe people will want to see this project. More than just the few of us.

Okay, enough shameless self-promotion for one evening.

Please Fasten Your Seatbelts....

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Looking Ahead...In Baby Steps

I'm looking at a good week ahead.
Normal mom stuff tomorrow. It's fun sometimes just merging into that crowd of capri-wearing cookie bakers. Hey, I can do it. Some of them even like me. Or at least pretend to enough for my son's sake. That's all I care about. I don't know that I could live that life full-time. I can't say I could live my other life full-time either though. In fact, I know I couldn't. I need the domesticity to keep me grounded.
Then Tuesday I'm off to Miami to see my guardian angel. It's just for the day for a few stolen hours. Good enough. I'll appreciate what I have.
The rest of the week will be spent with the photographer I've been working with. We've got some fine tuning needed to finish the dvd. After that it's still shoots for promotional purposes. The rough draft looks soooo.... nice.
Ooh... Audrey, is this optimism I hear?....

Milf On The Prowl

My guardian angel landed on my shoulder again. He's real and is still there when I wake up in the morning. He's made a lot of things possible.

So the video I did for The Score Group is out now. You can check out the fun at: Score On Demand, The Official VOD Site of The Score Group. As you might have guessed it's called "Milfs On The Prowl".
The day of my shoot I was supposed to be shooting with another actress and two male talent. Her test results hadn't come through in time and they already had two guys they were going to have to pay on location. "Audrey....How would you feel about having two guys at once?"............Quiet contemplation.....It's not like I hadn't done it before just for pleasure. And here were two twenty-two year old beautiful young bodies, arm-wrestling over who would get to have me first.
All in all it made for good video (of course that's all I was thinking). Nevermind the bruises I got on my knees from that granite bar. Hey, I bruise easily as I've already mentioned *grin*.....

Bondage and Bruises, The Real Secret Life....

So Friday I had a photo shoot. A bondage shoot with a very reputable actress in the industry. I've worked with her in the past on her clips store. Her clips store is far different from my own. Lots of tying up, tickling and forced orgasm. She's made movies and is a star in the fetish industry. She's partnered with someone else who owns a store, one of the top sellers of the site, and together they hired me for the shoot.
I can't say that I hated it (does that make me a bad person *smirk*). I think that, once he took over, I could easily get more into the struggling and protesting. When you're manhandled in such a capable way it becomes very realistic despite knowing you're in a safe environment. Very arousing. I guess I could never aspire to be the star she is, as I'm still bruised from it *evil grin*. And here I've always wanted to be the one holding the whip.......
I noticed the other day there's a new show out called "The Secret Life of A Soccer Mom". This struck me as very funny. I think the premise is totally off. I guess they give a mom a chance to have the career she would have wanted had she not decided to have a husband and children. At the end she can decide to have both or go back to just being a mom. Not that I think my life is all that interesting (to anyone else but myself); but I should much rather think that my dual/secret life would make for much more interesting reality television. The drama-packed stuff that America feeds upon. Granted, I may not technically be a soccer mom. My son prefers karate; but I am a card carrying member of the PTA (no, really I am). And I live in Stepford, USA, land of playdates, minivans and matching mailboxes. I can hear the promo now...."I may not technically be a soccer mom; but I have played one on a milf site"...
Now to find myself an agent and a channel that wouldn't edit so much of the good stuff....

Some Days You're Hot.....

And then then there are other days. Yesterday would have been one of those days.
I'm persistent if nothing. And so I will pick myself up, dust myself off and get back on the ride.
I've gotten the worst of the week over with already and only have one way to go from here.
Never underestimate the power of a positive attitude and a powerfully high pair of kick-ass stripper shoes...

Missing Time

I miss being able to afford the luxury of time. Time with my family. Time to be able to work on my own project.
My own project is so close to being completed. Just some little tweaks here and there that should be done. Things I'd like redone. Still shoots for the box cover. Promotional headshots. Website construction. It's frustrating to see the roughdraft. It looks so great, even the first time around. So close.
But I need to work. Need to keep money coming in. I'm happy to be able to do that for them for a change. And so I keep on shakin' it.

Off the Grid

So I've been gone this week. Neither here nor there. Needing to take care of things. Needing to take care of my family as I can. It's back to the club tonight. I hope my knees have been able to benefit from the rest they've had. I wonder if it's a genetic thing I've inherited from my mother's brittle bones or if it's simply that I'm no longer as young as I'd like to think that I am at times. I remember hating doing deep-knee bends even in school as a child. All the more reason to keep doing them (says the masochist....No pain, no gain....Mwahaaaaa.....).

Learning The Ropes

I've come to understand how to deal with the shoe issue better. It helps to bring two pairs of shoes. Let one pair wear on you for a while and, if they should begin to hurt your feet in some place, put on the other pair that wrap around the feet in another place. I actually haven't had to do that though. I worked last night. My second "weekend night", from 6pm to 3am. And, aside from having lost a little feeling in the bottom of my left foot for several days now, my feet are pretty good today. It's my knees that are the problem. All that glucosamine isn't enough. When I've been on my feet for a while and I go to do a squat...you know...the little sexy poses with hands on the knees...I've found that coming back up doesn't always feel quite as...sexy...as going down. So I've propped pillows under my knees this morning while I have my latte and am giving my bones some much needed tlc. I'm seeing and feeling the benefits of this exercise already. It's been amazing on the top of the thigh muscles. Doing yoga always benefited my upper body (among other places) without it ever feeling like work. And the results were apparent and amazing. But any lower body work seemed like, well, work. And I was lazy. This job has been good for me in that I'm paid to work my tail off. I've dropped most issues I have with my ass. Now that I've had as many men (even some women) giving such positive feedback on it when I'm up there shaking my tail feathers and have gotten tipped so handsomely, I realize it may not actually be as bad as I'd thought. Quite the contrary. I could do worse.

"As Seen In Porn"

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Showtime Sunday

It's Sunday morning. The one morning I've allowed myself to sleep in. And, naturally I'm unable to. The rest of the house still sleeps. I'm so envious of that. It almost makes me unreasonably angry enough to want to start banging things around in the kitchen, opening drawers and stuff. Why is that? Selfish, I know. And so I sit quietly, hoping that one day I'll be able to sleep so well. One day...

But that day is not today. And I'm back to work this evening. It's the first night shift for me. If I work three days I get to work on the weekend nights. That's where the money is. But the place is also stuffed to capacity with girls at night. True, LOTS more clients; buts also A LOT more glamazons. They're these waif-like gazelles. All mermaid hair, bronzed skin, and slammin' bodies...just gliding/strutting effortlessly in these impossible shoes. I disappear among them. I'm hoping I'll instead maybe stand out from them to even just one or two generous clients.

Looking like this doesn't come for free either. I was given a schedule of themes for each day. If you don't show up in the proper attire for the day, you don't get to work. Many of them are "long dress" days. Now, believe it or not, I don't own long dresses like the ones they're speaking of. These long dresses could hardly constitute for a dress anywhere but in a club like this (okay, or maybe Caliente from what I've heard; but that doesn't count since it ends up being taken off there as well). No, these are long dresses made of the very thinnest, bounciest fabric. Sometimes it is only two pieces of one-ply lace panels stitched together at the shoulders. Convenient for easy and quick removal. A gal needs to consider things like quick removal, whether she can wiggle it down instead of over the head (some gals can easily get away with this when they have great long hair that they whip around anyway; so it doesn't matter. Mine gets messed up) if the "bra" is going to show and, if it is, if it's going to ruin the look of the dress. So much to consider. For such cheap little fabric, these things are pretty expensive. I know this because the new Audrey has to look at prices now (ugh...). And the shoes...don't even get me started on the shoes. I'll be taping my feet up for protection tonight. Just another little trick I've picked up in the dressing room back stage. Boy am I getting an education back there.

Smoke and Mirrors

So it's been a rather interesting week, to say the least. I've actually come to enjoy the dancing. Mind you, it helps to have one fine, kick-ass d.j who tunes into my style and takes care of me when it comes to my feature dances. So much fun, even when the place is dead. I work during the day; so it's a toss-up. Although I met a wonderful man who can slay me with his taste in sharp dressing. It was all worth it in working yesterday. Some days are winners, some days....well....not so much....Maybe my dashing, prince charming traveling man will visit me again as promised. All in all it's been an interesting experience. I've made some intersting friends...Both clients as well as co-workers. And I count myself lucky for that.
When it's terribly slow, I enjoy dancing in front of the mirrors. I find it sexy; but it also makes for good practice. Hey, I'm getting pretty damn good at this....
Now, as for the lost voice. If only I could sneak in there and plant some massive air filters......

Martini and Macaroni

That's what I'm having. It's 11pm. I'm tired. I've stood on my feet in those damn shoes since around 3pm today. Yep, that's right. I'm in. So not only did I pass the "audition"/amateur night contest...; but I placed 3rd. A hundred bucks. Not bad for an old gal who was only there to get a job. Especially considering I am (by far) the oldest dancer that place has. When I say by far I mean the "old gal" has been up to this point thirty-two. Ha!
There were five of us "amateurs" up there last night. I think the next oldest must have been my new best gal pal "Lisa", who's twenty-eight. She's swell. A really sweet girl. Almost seemed too sweet for this business; but proved that wrong when she kicked ass on her first day alone. I could learn a thing or two from the "amateur".....I think she and I will stick together.
I feel like a zombie. Came in last night/this morning at 2:45. The house was still and asleep without me. All except my cat Dwen. She loves the smell of cigarette smoke. It's like catnip to her. She jumped me when I came in the door. Tonight was no exception. I had to strip in the garage and leave everything in there. She kept headbutting me all night as I slept on the sofa (or tried to the couple of hours left).
I've got to work on my agression techniques. It's out of character for me to ask a guy if he wants a dance. I'm used to guys asking me if I want to dance. This is all very strange. I'm going back to my macaroni (before it goes cold) and my martini (before it goes warm).

Catwalk Buffet

So my new friend, Britney, who works at the entrance told me that the only way to get in is through Amateur Night. It's held each week, conveniently on Tuesday nights of all nights. My pole anxiety was eased a little when I was told they don't have poles. They have what looks like a catwalk but with overhead bars for the girls to hold onto overhead while they do their dancing and grinding. Convenient...Something to hang onto so I don't fall off the very narrow looking little catwalk while I'm grinding my ass away. "And thongs must be two fingers width across in the back." Too bad I couldn't wear full-butt ruffled panties. I've so got that sassy vintage thing working for me. Much cuter. Way sexier. "Oh and you'll need full pasties". Ouch. Now that's a crying shame. See for those of you who haven't actually seen them, my boobs are tops. Really spectacular. And to even cover up the wee nipples...well, it's just not releasing them in their full-on glory. But, okay whatever.
It looks much like a buffet. The way it's shaped, and with those brass bars.... Guess that would make us the meat of the feast. Hm? I spoke to another girl who's danced there for sometime. A pretty, red-haired girl. They're both so, so young. What on earth would make me think anyone would want to look at my old butt up there? But the next thought is that I've got a responsibility. And maybe that's why there are other girls my age who are out there doing this. Seems there are people who want to see them. I mean, they're getting jobs. I have to. It's not like I could eat or sleep anyway. What else would I be doing at midnight?

Decisions

So things aren't exactly looking up financially. I may go back down south for another "tour of booty" as I prefer to call them. I've enjoyed working with the photographer I've been working with on my own projects (okay, so...even if they haven't made money just yet). It's the creative freedom I've enjoyed (yes, actually enjoyed). That and working with my own male talent *smirk*.
But going down there....It's a completely different world. Can't even be compared to what I've been doing. No control. There's no control over anything at all.
It did manage to pay a nice chunk of the bills and the property insurance. It was nice to be able to contribute for once. He's always been the provider.
I suppose I'm fortunate that we have the sort of relationship that allows for such work. He's upset that I've considered going again. Not because of jealousy. That would be the first thing that would come in the way of the typical relationship (maybe...I'm no authority on the subject of what's typical); but more concerned about my emotional state. I worry a lot and lost too much weight on my last trip from too much worrying. God, just thinking about it and suddenly I've no appetite. Who needs diet pills?
If only I could work that stripper pole I have (and weren't so clumsy and didn't hate my ass in a thong) I'd go apply at a dance club instead. Sure, I'm no spring chicken; but hey, I've got a few credentials. Do they sell insurance for erotic dancers? Oh wait, I can't even afford the insurance I already have.

Audrey's Slideshow

Gotta' Start Somewhere

Okay, so...um..hello world. Or rather, those few of you who might care to read. So what has motivated me to begin my blog today of all days? No, not because it's the day of Superbowl (go Pats!) and all of you who know me will know it's not exactly because it's Sunday and "Sunday is the day to give praise". (Oh, don't worry, we'll get to the fun topic of Audrey and religion).

I got a phone call from my father last night. Now whenever he phones and I see his name come up on my caller i.d., it's a little bracing. But I have to answer. He's dying. Although he'll never tell you that. He's lived in a state of denial for at least what is my entire life. I think, perhaps, considering what all he's been through and the fact that he's now seventy-seven years old, perhaps it's best if that's what soothes him into sleep at night. Sleep...mmm....envy....

So he phoned to tell me that my cousin had been shot and killed the night before (Friday night). I believe he was around my husband's age, forty-five. On his way home from work Friday, he was boxed in at a light (one car in front and one in back). They carjacked and robbed him. Why did they have to shoot and kill him too? I have vague memories of him; but I do remember his younger brother. He and I would play together when we would visit Arkansas to see my father's family. When I look back on my life, those times I spent with that part of my family are the best times I recall from childhood. I have enough bad ones; so when I lose something from that special place, it just reminds me that I can never go back to being a child. Besides, if being allowed a do-over means that you'd be doomed to live the same life you already have, then it's not so much a do-over as maybe another life sentence to some of us, isn't it? I don't have many regrets, it's just that I've already been there and bought the t-shirt. So...no thanks. Life can feel so short when times are tough. But in the time it takes for only one phone call, I gain a new perspective.

I'm also writing because I have more than one writer friend who's told me that I should start writing about my life. "You can't write better fiction than this, Audrey"...."You wouldn't have to even change anything; because nobody would believe it all anyway"....True, my life has had enough plot twists and turns to induce whiplash and has been plenty juicy. Scandalous indeed. But is what I have to say interesting enough for anyone to want to read? I guess I gotta' start somewhere. And so I will blog.